Tuesday, November 3, 2015

cerita kahwin

lama dah tak berblogging. kamonlah..bila tengok tajuk mesti mata dah bersinar-sinar nak tahu dan nak tahu tentang kahwin. tu lah semenjak masuk umur 23 ni, kalau jumpa member perempuan mesti tajuk wajib pasal kahwin. automatic.
Oleh kerana lama dah tak berblogging aku pun baru nak baca blog kawan-kawan dan bloggers yang menarik untuk dibaca. Antara topic nya ialah make-up kan kawan, cut cost pelamin, pelamin mahal, design, cari tukang solek, colours, so on and so forth. memang semua orang tahu kalau nak kahwin kena pakai duit banyak. jadi, orang yang nak kahwin, kalau takde duit jangan sibuk nak bercinta. gittew eh? kahkahkah
Tapi semangat nak kahwin punya pasal, orang sanggup lah spend masa untuk carik the best jurusolek, carik ilham untuk pelamin bertunang, carik lampu, carik bunga, carik itu dan ini. Baru nak bertunang. Untuk kahwin pulak, kena warna purple, ada shading pink sikit, guests kena pakai peach(kalau bukan peach xleh masuk! ..kidding) Kasut. Beg. Yada yada..
Oleh kerana aku takda feeling akan berkahwin dalam masa yang terdekat, boleh la aku kata sekarang, 'ohmaigod, kenapa lah kahwin ni susah bena.' Mungkin kalau akan berkahwin lagi lah aku serabut agaknya sebab langsung takda nafsu nak fikir pasal semua tu sekarang ni. Oh jangan lupa photographer pun kena ada! Ceh.
Dari aku sekolah menengah kakak sulung dah pesan carik 10 boyfriend dulu untuk kenal perangai lelaki. Aku gelak je. Tak payah nak serabut untuk carik boyfriend sendiri dulu, aku dah serabut dengar kisah cinta-cintun yang penuh onak duri dari kawan-kawan dan orang sekeliling. Pasal bf jealous tak tentu pasal, bf curang, gaduh sebab benda kecik, gf tak memahami, tentangan kahwin dari ibu bapa, habiskan studi,.
Of course tak semua teruk sangat, ada yang sweet tu sweet lah. Bawak gf naek kereta lawa, sanggup tunggu awal pagi buta untuk gi sekolah sama-sama, bf masakkan, anniversary, etc.
Kalau yang kahwin sebab parents gandingkan ada, kahwin orang yang kenalkan pun ada, kahwin sebab partner dah kerja pun ada, kahwin tapi dua2 still studi pun ada. Semua jenis contoh dah terbentang depan mata. Aku cakap kat kakak2 yang ada bagi tips utk carik jodoh ni, aku tak sedia lagi. Dan semua orang yang aku jumpa akan cakap, takkan nak tunggu sedia baru nak kahwin? Tapi aku fikir jugak, kalau aku takda ilmu pasal rumahtangga semua ni macamana nak kahwin? Takkan nak tanggung dosa bertimbun-timbun sebab tak ambil tahu?
Sibuk cerita nak kahwin, boyfriend takda lagi. End of story. Kahkahkah

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Mayou dalam hati. (dangerous, DO not read)

Bukan mayonis sapu kat roti tu. Bukan.

Hi again.

I'm not going to post about my journey. I just want to write down my frustration and that's it.

Lately I'm having some emotional breakdown which I keep in myself for a very long time. I didn't dare to tell anyone, not even to the people closest to me. (sounds scary daa)

I'm scared. very scared, of the future. Which path should i take, what should I do next, is this decision good for my future, should I do this, should I talk to people about this, bla bla. yea.
I used to be the kind of person who just stick to one plan, listen to myself, quickly make decision, cried for hours just to get my head clear, and one moment, boom! I know what to do and no matter what will happen, I'm gonna make sure I get what I want.

Now I just hate myself. For not being able to think straight. For being this troubled. For having too many voices inside my head and it's driving me nuts. I'm almost 25 now. It's either I should get a job now, or further my study, or getting married and be happy.

Come on. Life is not like finding prince, meet the fairy, make your wish and dreams come true, and then happy ever after. derr, it's not THAT simple.

*sigh*

great news. I passed my university entrance exam. *yeay clap hands pap pap* ceh.
bad news. I don't want to live a zombie life anymore. Not with this research that I don't have any idea what I'm doing now and I'm pretty sure I wasted my time doing something I don't like.

Next question. what should I do?
A. find another kenkyu. In the same university.
B. find other university. Be ready to face the zombie juken weak week.
C. find jobs in japan. yeah, another zombie life, SHUKATSU.
D. go back malaysia babe! find job, consider to further study and think how to find the money to pay for the tuition fees and living fee.

Gee, IF only I can peek the answer sheet and see which one is the correct answer.

See, I've searched in the internet for option A and B.
[A] I'm only interested in one research lab. But not that interested. Not really feel like I'm willing to sacrifice anything for the sake of being the member of that research lab. The point is, I passed the exam already. All i have to do is meet oni, (read prev entry) and imagine what he'll say to my face later. No further comments.
[B] Get ready to pay another RM1000, stay up and live a crazy zombie life for the juken week, final presentation, and stressing bih-zy lovely February. But I like few of the research there. Probably worth it. Some people even say, even if Malaysia won't support us for the scholarship, we can still live because we can apply for other jap scholarships. Who knows i'll be living a more happy kenkyu life? Who knows.

Scholarship part, I'll just think about it later. The problem is, if I'm considering for plan B, I have to give up on plan A and take the risk. I'm just not ready for that, not yet. As I told you before, I'm too scared.
I just wish I can just stop trying and I want my life after that to be easy and smoooth. Ehhem. I wonder if people living a happy ever after do exist in real life. I mean, every living creature have different path right? Rezeki masing-masing. (Apa aku merepek ni haa)

The point is, aku takut gila. Too scaredy cat to make the damn decision. I just want to live a happy life. Study what I like. Play musics. Have fun with friends. Chillax and drink coffee in nice cafes. Go travel. Fall in love with a right guy. Eh. Merepek lagi.

I need courage. I need somebody to hold my hand, stay with me and tell me I'll be fine. I just need a shoulder to cry on, I want to hug somebody. I'm not strong.

I just want to go back, give up on my dreams, and most important thing is, I need someone, the right people to slap me right  on my face and tell me this is not who I am. I'm a strong, independent lady. I'm going to choose one path and no matter what happens after that, it is my destiny and I don't have to be afraid. Because HE always knows what's best for me. Regardless of what decision I made.





Wednesday, May 20, 2015

ke kanazawa kekite

It's been a LONG time since i last updated my blog. Yesterday I didn't sleep at all until 6 am, just to stalk my sister's blog. ehem.

Actually I went to Kanazawa last year to enjoy the scenery and most important part, food hunting. Yup. This was my last year's unexpected trip with my girl friends.

We went to the market, (must go places in Kanazawa) and there are LOTS of crabs here and there. BIG crab, BIG price. No kidding. 


expensive crabs here and there
As I said earlier, our main reason to go to Kanazawa is for food hunting. It was at the end of fall season, so we didn't really expect to see pretty autumn scenery. But there were fresh uni(sea urchin) and kaki(oyster). People often says that this uni taste awful, not to mention that this is raw and fresh uni. But honestly I had no idea about uni so I just ate it without hesitating.

A plate of uni/oyster costs us 500\. That's around RM15. But believe it or not I had 2 plates each. That is the same price as eating a dish in a family restaurant!

I still love the taste of the oyster and now I'm drooling just to imagine the freshness of the raw oyster! Aumm

eating uni

enjoying the raw oyster

We had our late lunch/dinner at a nearest restaurant. It costs us 1000\. Reasonable price for this quantity. I just love fried fresh ebi(prawn).

late lunch/dinner
 We also had ice creams. Unique flavour ice cream. See the black ice cream my friend had there? It's the charcoal ice cream. While I had a normal vanilla ice cream but with gold leaf topping on it. I repeat, GOLD. It costs me 350\, quite a normal price.

enjoying weird flavor of ice cream

ice cream topped with GOLD leaf

Kanazawa is a tourist-friendly tour spot. Buses are easy to find, and in fact we bought a one-day pass for 500\(if I'm not mistaken).

behind kanazawa castle
random posts
posing with fake flowers
posing with fake flowers
We also walk around on foot to see the shops and cafes.












night view at the Kanazawa train station

That's all for now. I will also update my trip  to Hokkaido with my best friend on last haru yasumi (spring holiday) next time. Toodles^^